THE PHENOMENOLOGY OF EXONIENSIS NARCISSISSIMA

Tarnished image

In the Pantheon of Prep School Perps, the adult Exeter crew, it would seem, are a pathetic lot. They may be mere shadows of the luminaries elsewhere, ambulatory malignancies who systematically abused children, some for decades.

At PEA, those who violated the sacred trust parents put in them to care for their children are/were forlorn figures. Sadly, bumbling lechers, dirty old men and drunks who can't keep their hands to themselves are commonplace. This does not forgive their transgressions. Nor does it make what they did any less harmful to those they afflicted. But it does make it all the more mysterious as to why the school had had such a hard time giving them up for so very long.

In the wake of the Drama Department child pornography scandal in 1992, it seems clear that school officials knew or should have known most all of the issues about faculty misconduct revealed when things finally boiled over again in 2016. Why didn't they clean house way back when? So far, I'm only talking about the faculty perps. Those, for the most part, belong to an earlier era when coeducation was new. Of course, this all merely points to the current issue - peer assaults and their mismanagement.

Why is it so hard for the Academy to acknowledge such issues, address them, then move forward? I've got a working hypothesis. Call it a possible syndrome: Exoniensis Narcississima. This may seem to be just some unfortunate idiosyncrasy in a privileged, prestigious subculture. But like Mr. Tremallo's doughnut, tug at this thread to discover what may be the quintessential American Story of our time.

Observations & Anecdotal Experiences

A shadow over John Phillips

When I wandered wounded out from PEA in 1993, I told some faculty at Harvard of my experiences. One, a consultant to private secondary schools, offered a provocative observation. In his experience, the more highfalutin the school's mission statement, the more intractable the problems. Another, a Psychology of Religion professor, offered a Jungian reading. "The brighter the light, the darker the shadows," he said.

Here's what Exoniensis Narcississima feels like.

Exeter is legendary for its unhappiness. In fact, it prides itself on it. Celebrated schoolmaster Ernie Gillespie's famous graduation benediction included the line "I don't think anybody has ever claimed that Exeter is a warm nest." His observation has been warmly embraced since he said it in 1967. This points to how Exonians delight in their misery. I suspect it's why I found such pleasure in discovering Dostoyevsky there. "Suffering is the origin of consciousness," his Underground Man tells us. And we prided ourselves on maximizing our consciousness.

Later, returning, a prep school residential life training the summer after my first year on the faculty was a revelation. The facilitator started out saying how it was key to categorize your school. They fit into two basic categories: happy or unhappy. I wondered about PEA - where do you put those happy to be miserable?

Such paradoxical feelings are a key feature of Exoniensis Narcississima. This feeds a cognitive dissonance that undermines reality-checking.

In my day-to-day life on the faculty, I noticed an added aspect to this. It's an old truism that academics love their classrooms but hate the politics outside them. Exoniensis Narcississima adds a layering of prestige to this. For me, the general negativity about the place evaporated off-campus in certain situations. When I'd find a rare moment to socialize in Cambridge, I experienced an unusual emotional pivot. When asked what I did for work, I'd pridefully unfurl my title, "Assistant School Minister/Instructor in Religion at Phillips Exeter." It was impressive and people were impressed. Feelings of malaise momentarily vanished as I basked in the glory of the place.

Smothered by the weight of History

Back on campus, this grand and glorious past caused a different affect. The school's celebrated history going back to its founding in 1781, before the last gunsmoke of the Revolution had cleared, was stifling. For current inhabitants, it seemed impossible to measure up. When I arrived at Harvard Divinity School the year before, Rev. Peter Gomes met with new students to lovingly assure us that the admissions office had not made a mistake in admitting us. We belonged there. But at Exeter, whatever insecurities the students felt along these lines, what the faculty faced was far more intense. So add Impostor Syndrome as another element of Exoniensis Narcississima.

This aspect fueled a particularly toxic dynamic. The fear of being found inferior to past brilliance created a cover-up culture. Instead of facing the usual piddly problems that go along with an organization of this size - the ills of alcoholism, depression and the like - a cover-up-culture drives these underground to fester. If you need to keep up a perfect appearance, how do you deal with imperfections? More than likely, you focus furiously on image.

What happens if someone should detect an imperfection?

Easy fixes for identified problems

Example:

When I got hired, I was personally recruited by Principal O'Donnell and her husband to be a faculty advisor to WPEA, the campus radio station. The O'Donnell's were key in the station's renovation in sumptuous new quarters in the old library. I was a good "fit" as advisor because I had been on the station's board as a student, and worked professionally in radio after.

One of the many upgrades included a new transmitter. When the broadcast engineers turned on the new unit one Saturday, I tuned in on my car radio and drove around to check the reach of the signal. I did this on my own initiative, knowing the potential issues with such gear given my work at commercial stations. So I took what precious free time I had that afternoon to drive all over Rockingham County, jotting down locations and signal strength.

As it turns out, there was a problem. Transmitters are tuned to their assigned frequency, and this one needed a slight tweak. It was bleeding over into the NPR affiliate repeater in Durham. So I dutifully alerted the consultants, passed along my observations, then headed home. Better this than than to wait for NHPR listeners to file complaints.

A few days later, I happened to run into CPOD (the nickname the lower echelon admins had for C. Patrick O'Donnell, the Principal's husband) walking across campus. I smiled, thinking he would be pleased by my devotion and diligence to a project turning out well. Instead, he snarled, "I hear you've been complaining..."

I was flabbergasted. 

What does it mean when pointing out imperfection is taken as a personal attack? Imagine how this might affect the ability to address day-to-day issues. Imagine how this might affect reporting adults demonstrating "boundary issues." Imagine how this might affect reporting mismanagement of peer assaults.

After I left the faculty, I raised questions along these lines in a letter to the faculty calling for a code of discipline:

Other important questions to discuss: What is the proper course of action if you become aware of misconduct? Do you feel motivated to report such improprieties? Or, do you find yourself -as I once did - holding secrets about unprofessional, inappropriate or even endangering behavior? Does the administration's response to my case inspire the confidence to come forward should you find yourself in a similar predicament? Do you find that it encourages you to speak up or to be silent? Are their actions here indicative of a desire to be open and forthright? Or, rather, does it demonstrate a propensity for denial and avoidance? Is the situation detailed here the rule or the exception? Consider the widespread rumors that circulate about faculty and administrative misconduct. Aren't they typical of institutions unwilling or unable to deal directly?

That was in 1994. The school finally adopted a code of conduct...in 2016. Has the entrenched denial dynamic been rooted out? Is Exoniensis Narcississima still virulent? I leave it to others to determine. 

There's other aspects to Exoniensis Narcississima I'll discuss next time. Also, we'll look at how understanding this syndrome illuminates aspects of the culture on the local, national and international level.

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